醉生梦死

第一天

我走进他的书房的时候，只看到了他的遗像，泪水便像连珠一样的流下来了。我有料到，只要看到他的样子，我会留不住男人的尊严，我会流泪。

朋友一一上前，点燃香烛，拜拜昔日的同学朋友兼死党。转身走开，就这样和他说永远的再见了。很多事情就是这样，没有给你第二次机会的余地。

我终于有忍住泪水，点燃我的香烛。虽然泪水模糊我的双眼，但一副副记忆却不断从眼前滑过。我们有过一起奋斗，一起谈理想，一起打球玩游戏作弊。20多年的同学啊，发生的事情何止一件两件是会永远留在记忆的宝库之中的。何况这个最好的朋友和一生最大的敌人。

此时此刻，我只能祈望我是基督徒了，这样起码能让我平静，知道他会在天堂，会安详，不会为自己的妻子儿女父母朋友哭泣伤心，不会为自己还没有完成的理想而嘘叹。

我却没有这平静的港湾，我只能心里默默地说兄弟走好，兄弟走好. 我知道我再也没有这样的朋友了。

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The Second Day

In the morning I finally got to see his body. One thing that pissed me off was we had to corrupt personals working in the funeral home in order to see my friend a last time. I guess I just have been in the States for some years and do not see that corrupting or being corrupted should be part of your daily life in China.

Now I should describe what actually happened. I have pictured this moment long - right at the instant that I read the message which informed me the horrible news. I knew that I could not win in front of the stand of sorrow . Indeed I collapsed. He was lying there, not moving, with scars on his right eyebrow. I know this might be my only five or ten minutes to spend with him a last time. As a scientist, I would truly hope some medical miracle to happen. The loss of him is just too bad to believe that it would happen to all of us.

“It is this city who killed our best friend.” ZhouXin concluded during a bus trip with me. I nodded and agreed. With 20 years grew up in it, I know enough about the culture of this city: the only definition of success is measured by how much money you can make, materialism, and pervasive abusive use of alcohol and tabbacco. From Tao’s closest friends, I got to know he’s pretty much addicted to alcohol. How he got into the drinking that night, why he came back so late, and why he drove after drinking is not quite clear, as there are multiple versions of it. But one thing is for sure, if he had lived in a culture that teaches good principles and habits about life, this accident could be avoided, and he would not die at such a young age.

The city killed my best friend, and I am fed up with it.  

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

天啊，哪里钻出来的警车？这我前方后方左边右边我都仔细观察了的，他丫什么时候出现在我后面的啊？
我怎么就没有看到？还好他没有亮灯，我刹车，我给你让，还不行吗？

这是我看到身后那辆警车的第一反应……

所以我就刹车，我就让，结果是，他跟着我，而且还亮灯了！

我想，这回完了，出来混，总是要还的，我超速也不是一天两天了，在LA就超了三年了，今天这事情也是
预料其中了，高手也有失手的时候啊～～～

我心情倒算平静，就慢慢的换到右边，找个地方停下来了。然后把窗户打开，等警察来。

"You know you are going 100, right?"
"I am sorry, Officer. My music is loud, I didn't notice."
"But I've been watching you for 2 miles. 100, right?"
"...yeah..."
"I am going to give you a ticket, ok? Licence and registration please, Sir."
"...alright. Here you go."

说完这些，他拿了我的licence等等，就到自己车上去了。
我就叹了口气，坐在那里，看着远方。
屋漏偏缝连夜雨。本来是心情不好，出来转转，结果反而吃了ticket…

看到远处的山峰被云雾笼罩着，倒是心情好一些了。
ticket一张多少钱呢？最多300吧？如果我撞到其它人的车，肯定赔得不是这个数目……
如果出了车祸，我自己死了呢？

想起上次夜里在同样一个地方，眼睛看不见了，非常危险，差一点就没有命。
当时按我的习惯，肯定有speeding。

"Sir, so I wrote down you are going 85 on 65 limit. You will get a ticket for speeding.
Also, you are getting a verdbal warning because you left tail light is out. So get it fixed."
"I got it."
"Drive safely, Sir."
"Alright."

When he's about to leave...

"Actually, how much is the ticket?"
"Right now you are looking at 160."
"OK...Thank you. You saved my life."
"...OK... Drive safely."

警察肯定觉得我这个人很奇怪。给你张ticket，居然还谢我……

不过对于我来说，这160块肯定是值得的。救了我一命……

大家开车也要注意安全啊，我会为你们祈祷的。